Sunday, October 2, 2011

Molar Misery

Teething Tantrum

Not to sound like a broken record, but teething is torture. In a previous blog I described teething as the devil’s punishment for procreating. Back then Macie was cutting her first four front teeth, which is typified by a low grade fever, drooling, and more frequent stage-two or three meltdowns. For the past few weeks Macie has been cutting her first four molars, which is a completely different experience. First, the molars are larger than the front teeth…which makes me think that they may hurt worse than the first four. Second, they are all coming in at the same time.  Third, Macie’s fuse seems to be much shorter this time around, which results in more frequent tantrums.

Macie’s teething symptoms 
(they usually start a few days before the teeth start to show)

- Chews on everything- the couch, books, shoes, hands, etc.
- Sleepier- she rubs her eyes a lot and takes longer naps.
- Puts her fingers in her mouth to touch the sore area(s).
- Tries to bite things when she is upset or told “no”- door handles, cabinet knobs, hands, you, the couch, books, etc.
- Drinks a lot of fluids and drools more.
- Shorter fuse- much more irritable and increased frequency and severity of tantrums.

Living with a teething toddler is like living with a bipolar tyrant prone to tantrums (imagine Napoleon Bonaparte). The slightest raised eyebrow, “no”, denial of request, or lack of proper response to an unintelligible command results in a stage three meltdown. At this point Macie has perfected the art of the tantrum. First comes the crunched up, pouty face followed immediately by an indignant/enraged high-pitched scream. Then, Macie sinks to the floor in anguish and continues to wail tragically. If you try to pick her up she summersaults backwards - you have to be careful not to get head butted or drop her (it’s like holding onto a bucking bronco). Dr. Suess’s book about the joys of teeth fails to mention how painful it is to actually get them. The writing and illustrations make teeth out to be the best thing in the world. Sometimes I want to say to hell with the teeth- we were doing just fine without them.

Macie has teething tantrums when….

- I take something away from her.
- She doesn’t get more food or water fast enough.
- I don’t respond appropriately to her baby talk commands.
- I raise my eyebrow at her or say “no”.
- Daddy says anything in a low or serious voice.
- I leave the house without her- even just to go to the car.
- I close her in the living room and leave the room for a second.
- I put her toys away.
- Gunner (our dog) licks her.
- I try to put her in the stroller at the mall.
- We pass by the playground and don’t stop to play.
- I try to change her diaper while she is in the middle of playing.

And the list goes on and on. There are too many to list, but the actions above are demonstrative that EVERYTHING sets Macie off when she is teething.

Have I mentioned that teething has a physical affect on me as well? 
When Macie goes through the teething process I actually seem to physically age from the stress, including: 

- Increased headaches.
- Forehead wrinkles from furrowing my brow in concern, annoyance, and empathy.
- Every time Macie teethes another piece of my hair turns gray. (FYI- When I was pregnant I only had one gray hair. Since I have been a mom I have added at least three more- no joke. )
- Blood shot eyes and dark under-eye circles.

Maybe Macie’s reaction to cutting these molars is not any worse than her previous teething stage. I have a horrible short-term memory, so it is possible that I may have blocked out the severity of previous teething tantrums. Even so, teething at any stage is like soothing someone who has a fork (or something sharper) pressing down on their gums all day long. Ultimately, I know that the headaches, forehead wrinkles, gray hair, and blood shot eyes resulting from Macie’s teething troubles are a necessary evil to endure. The end result is an adorable set of teeth, which further proves that Macie is progressing from the baby stage to the toddler stage. They grow up way too fast L.


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